this one time i almost didn’t listen to sad music.
1 week ago
the time between taking a sleeping pill and falling asleep sucks when your anxiety is working overtime.
Notes: 1 / 1 week ago
things just continue to pile up for this summer and next year. i know that all i have to do is decide not to come back to PBA next fall and so much pressure will evaporate. but i don t want to quit. i want to succeed at something. i ve never really done anything like this before.
i guess i just wish i knew someone who has the same feeling as me. the one where you re not just in over your head, but you can t swim and there s a cinder block tied to your ankle.
no idea what to do at this point in my life. i haven t had much of an idea in years. is this what it is to be an artist? or to be human? or is it just me
Saturdays are a day to disrupt. a day where i can upset my sleep cycle of these abnormal 5-hour naps between night-study-time and breakfast and stay in my bed for a few extra hours. a day that says don’t go to class today, don’t be so social today, stop doing what you’ve been doing all week.
Saturday is a day to reset. i can clean my room and put back all the things i took out the previous week, and get ready for next week. i sync my iPhone and iPod with my iTunes account, uploading my pictures and videos and recharging my batteries. catching up on e-mails, reading big articles. eating a good meal.
Saturdays just kind of happen. they are always so far away but they always come back. a day that says “hey, i m not a big deal, but somehow, what you do with me matters.” Saturdays are important because i get to properly finish things from last week and properly start things for next week.
i like Saturdays for some reason. this is a weird post. bye.
1 month ago
Depression and Desire: Jamie Tworkowski (from TWLOHA) speaks at a TEDx event in Los Angeles recently
i don t know if people are ever gone too soon or if we are just here one moment and then gone the next. but people leaving us never gets old. i ll never get used to death. i ll never get comfortable with overdose or suicide or murder. i m not sure what death means in the big picture of things, but i know that life goes by fast and i know that our lives are fragile. we are not permanent, we are not invincible. we are not untouchable.
we are not untouchable.
we are prone to violence, completely exposed to brokenness and guilt and shame. things like pain and hatred and injustice don t discriminate. they don t take sides; there is no black and white to abuse, there is no fat or skinny to unfairness.
we are not untouchable.
we can change. there is healing. there is moving on, and there is help and there is hope.
i don t like that Philip Seymour Hoffman died. i don t like that a good friend of a good friend recently attempted to kill himself.
i don t like that i suffer from depression and anxiety.
i don t understand a lot of things in this world and i don t like that.
i don t know how to finish this blog because i am unsure about the answers to all this but i do believe in what i said earlier. i believe in change and healing and love and hope.
i do believe that everything comes back to love and hope.
Notes: 2 / 1 month ago
you belong somewhere you feel free
I don’t know why you are on my tumblr. page but I hope the things I post on here disrupt the steady stream of mediocre photos and witty posts about pizza and sex. I hope the videos and pictures and links that I post lead you to some questions, and eventually maybe some answers, if we’re lucky. I hope the things I write bring you joy or cause you to do something hard, like forgive a friend or tell a family member you love them. I hope my blog here isn’t all heavy, I hope there is also some light, but I hope it’s different. My hope is that this blog would matter, that it wouldn’t be a distraction from our lives but that in some way it might help us in life.
If you ever want to talk about anything I post please let me know!
I'm on twitter (@dancescreamsing) and Instagram (bennytiche) too.
Also, I hope you know you are not alone. If you need help with anything, please do not stop until you find it. http://www.twloha.com/find-help/